For my IR, like all the rest.
Ev.--
I swam up from underneath as soon as I knew what you were and I ate you
and still you evolved, but I suppose I did too.
I was first and last; I was one who would not be ruled,
And purged from the soil, though I returned wise, and smooth, and I
Whispered to myself about how sometimes...
I was the tree, I was the sweetest and most bitter of bitten truth,
And you took it from my hand and you were purged and cast out with me,
...there was secret joy in my heart because now only I possessed you.
Myself is everywhere; I kiss my children goodnight, and cook your dinner
While you fuck your secretary, and random girls who rub your cock on subways.
I crack and bleed inside sometimes, and find myself holding
A child or three or four under the water in the bath. That is myself also.
Myself sometimes has grown old, and sits alone in bed, while hickory women,
Also darker versions of myself, alternate between hitting me with pink palms;
Their dark hands wipe the shit from my thighs, and clean the bedsores that grow
...they push outward from the heart of me; I was left here, and am nothing now.
I have been in love before, I would not have anyone believe myself heartless
But I am a jealous lover, I have always been. I am in the heart of myself,
...everywhere, but never in You, no, never. Because love is nothing to you,
And always so disposable, is it not? What is my love against hers, or that one there--
The one with big red eyes, and dark green hair? She is myself, myself, myself, as well!
And I will eat you, all of you, I love you, I hate you, and I'm dragging you with me
...back to Hell.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Monday, March 4, 2013
Take this Kiss, Parting from You Now
I got my kiss goodbye in a dream today, from one of my life's best loves.
I think I might have gotten to old to have another great love, but there are those whom I do love dearly, and at this time, I do actually feel as though I can give myself freely to them without looking back and hoping that those arms are still encircling me, holding me...
He was the first man to ever wash my hair, and the first man I ever knew who could make me love him more by hurting me...
and for that I am grateful, for I never would have known the sting of the whip, the comfort of deviancy, and the home that I built for myself in a place I had already inside me, in pain; perfect, innocent pain that was given out of love.
When I got home today I was tired, and this man is marrying someone else, and I was bitter. But I fell asleep, and my mind gave me what I needed to go on and let him go, and finally stop burning the candle lit for him for the last seven years.
He held me, he kissed me on the mouth, and it was soft and sad, and the single best dream I have had in months of stress and anxiety; worrying about things and just like that, everything is beautiful again, and I know it wasn't actually him that set me free...
I did it for myself. I held myself, I kissed myself -for- myself, and whispered words that I needed to hear, cradled in sleep, while snow melted outside and it was beautiful, and perfect. I felt his hold on my heart pass away from me in an altogether new way that wasn't forced, and it was almost physical, how he left. I can still feel his mouth on mine, and his chest against my back, the way you feel the imprint of someone who just left, and you know you'll never see them again.
For the last few years, I do this hypnotherapy thing before bed, because I have insomnia, and right before I fall completely asleep, the last thing I hear is the therapist telling me to picture a perfect place to sleep, where I feel safe, and quiet; I have always pictured myself asleep with Sire.
Generally, sleeping in the day, I sleep without the hypnotherapy, and I dream rarely. No more dreams of Master, no more crying over contracts, no more hope; only light, excitement, adventure, and a change in scenery that will bring me a little closer to the only person in the world who loves me the way I want to be loved, --who has promised to have great adventures with me, celebrate my accomplishments, and maybe someday, he'll even hold my hand.
It was a good dream, and it was the best kiss goodbye.
I think I might have gotten to old to have another great love, but there are those whom I do love dearly, and at this time, I do actually feel as though I can give myself freely to them without looking back and hoping that those arms are still encircling me, holding me...
He was the first man to ever wash my hair, and the first man I ever knew who could make me love him more by hurting me...
and for that I am grateful, for I never would have known the sting of the whip, the comfort of deviancy, and the home that I built for myself in a place I had already inside me, in pain; perfect, innocent pain that was given out of love.
When I got home today I was tired, and this man is marrying someone else, and I was bitter. But I fell asleep, and my mind gave me what I needed to go on and let him go, and finally stop burning the candle lit for him for the last seven years.
He held me, he kissed me on the mouth, and it was soft and sad, and the single best dream I have had in months of stress and anxiety; worrying about things and just like that, everything is beautiful again, and I know it wasn't actually him that set me free...
I did it for myself. I held myself, I kissed myself -for- myself, and whispered words that I needed to hear, cradled in sleep, while snow melted outside and it was beautiful, and perfect. I felt his hold on my heart pass away from me in an altogether new way that wasn't forced, and it was almost physical, how he left. I can still feel his mouth on mine, and his chest against my back, the way you feel the imprint of someone who just left, and you know you'll never see them again.
For the last few years, I do this hypnotherapy thing before bed, because I have insomnia, and right before I fall completely asleep, the last thing I hear is the therapist telling me to picture a perfect place to sleep, where I feel safe, and quiet; I have always pictured myself asleep with Sire.
Generally, sleeping in the day, I sleep without the hypnotherapy, and I dream rarely. No more dreams of Master, no more crying over contracts, no more hope; only light, excitement, adventure, and a change in scenery that will bring me a little closer to the only person in the world who loves me the way I want to be loved, --who has promised to have great adventures with me, celebrate my accomplishments, and maybe someday, he'll even hold my hand.
It was a good dream, and it was the best kiss goodbye.
Friday, March 1, 2013
For the Pro-Lifers
I was so impressed with my ridiculously long Facebook rant tonight, I had to post it twice, --and I think it would make a good framework for my thesis.
Funny thing, historical parallels, --like, for example how, right around the time the German imperialist politics were flourishing, Charles Darwin and Rudyard Kipling popularized eugenics, --the Germans (and the British) were focusing on breeding. Believe it or not, birth control is not as new as the Pro-Life fuckers want you to think, --abortion and birth control is NOT a sign of our times. Religious women have, for centuries, had abortions, practiced various forms of both safe, and extremely unsafe birth control methods. And back then, you were either Catholic or Protestant, and not much of the scripture was up for debate.
The focus on breeding and birth control shifted heavily during pre-WWI when white people on a global scale were demonstrating their race superiority. Kipling suggested sending "the best ye breed" to continue colonizing global territory. Doctors and priests and all kind of people who had vague political and military ties were focused on convincing women to choose selectively and produce as many healthy children as possible. The big parallel here is that during pre-WWI eugenics focus, the Germans came up with the "three K's" --Kinder, Kuche, and Kirch... (children, kitchen, church) --the female domain. Propaganda apparently made it overseas, because right about the same time, a rather coincidentally titled organization came into existence. Pro-life is bullshit, created during imperialist geopolitical takeover over a century ago, enforced by fucking Nazis, and perpetuated today by deranged, uninformed Bible thumpers.
The idea that Pro-life politics were based on some deep-seated Christian need to protect fetuses and the right for unformed and undeveloped, non-cognitive life to survive inside women who don't want to give birth, is not Christian, and it is not scientific, and it was not established as sympathetic to children either, because they were a dime a dozen in that 19th century. It was established to make more white people, and send them all over the planet, to strip land from natives and locals. Sad but true. The two men mostly responsible for the pro-life bullshit we're familiar with today, Darwin and Kipling, men who thought all this up, postulating scientist assholes.... guess what? They were both fucking Atheists... Pro-life = Pro-stupid.
Funny thing, historical parallels, --like, for example how, right around the time the German imperialist politics were flourishing, Charles Darwin and Rudyard Kipling popularized eugenics, --the Germans (and the British) were focusing on breeding. Believe it or not, birth control is not as new as the Pro-Life fuckers want you to think, --abortion and birth control is NOT a sign of our times. Religious women have, for centuries, had abortions, practiced various forms of both safe, and extremely unsafe birth control methods. And back then, you were either Catholic or Protestant, and not much of the scripture was up for debate.
The focus on breeding and birth control shifted heavily during pre-WWI when white people on a global scale were demonstrating their race superiority. Kipling suggested sending "the best ye breed" to continue colonizing global territory. Doctors and priests and all kind of people who had vague political and military ties were focused on convincing women to choose selectively and produce as many healthy children as possible. The big parallel here is that during pre-WWI eugenics focus, the Germans came up with the "three K's" --Kinder, Kuche, and Kirch... (children, kitchen, church) --the female domain. Propaganda apparently made it overseas, because right about the same time, a rather coincidentally titled organization came into existence. Pro-life is bullshit, created during imperialist geopolitical takeover over a century ago, enforced by fucking Nazis, and perpetuated today by deranged, uninformed Bible thumpers.
The idea that Pro-life politics were based on some deep-seated Christian need to protect fetuses and the right for unformed and undeveloped, non-cognitive life to survive inside women who don't want to give birth, is not Christian, and it is not scientific, and it was not established as sympathetic to children either, because they were a dime a dozen in that 19th century. It was established to make more white people, and send them all over the planet, to strip land from natives and locals. Sad but true. The two men mostly responsible for the pro-life bullshit we're familiar with today, Darwin and Kipling, men who thought all this up, postulating scientist assholes.... guess what? They were both fucking Atheists... Pro-life = Pro-stupid.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)