Tonight it is Sail by Awolnation, and a specific poem (not the one below) to soothe my eyes and my nerves and this black hole that grows just behind my eyelashes and twists me into shapes I'd rather not see.
Maybe you've noticed the running theme in my titles, and maybe not...
Anyway. For Sire, my Ideal Reader and best absent lover.
Not Exactly A Vampire But Certainly Not Human
My wrists are bound above my head, and I am wrapped in pain and I am still somehow,
Simultaneously,
Burning and beautiful and dancing and crying and screaming into the flowers and glass
That make up my bright wishes and deep love for everything that sings silently to me when I sleep.
I am happiest when I am in pain, and at my most lonely when there is no one to punish me
For my crimes.
I dream of forced lovemaking in the water; pinned down in a pool in the dark and drowned;
Fucked and flooded with the salt of semen, ocean, and tears.
There are hands in my hair and wicked whispers that promise me everything I want
And will never have.
The stars here are so bright and sometimes I wish they would all fall down on my head
I wish they would drop into my hair, make blood run into my eyes.
I can go anywhere and I choose responsibility and escape; Gods! how I will miss
The ocean!
The sand, the tide, the perversity of her promise to kill me in a thousand ways and
Kiss me with her mouth that swallows everything and spews it back up on the beach.
Music and poetry and flowers and candles and curls and ribbon and unspoken secrets;
Follow me.
They can and do and I am not perfect, I am only beautiful to myself sometimes but I will
Never tell you when, and I will never tell anyone else either. I lie and hide and cheat myself.
Inside me where no one can touch me or hear me or see me I dream in the dark places that I
Keep quite silent.
Thrumming bass; treble-- orgasm drop; I can feel it in me like a promise made physical and cruel.
It is good; it is perfect. Love is pain, and the best pain comes with a soundtrack that screams.
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